Thursday, April 26, 2007

The mysteries of administration

Picture this:

You want to buy something. You want to sell something else. Someone wants to buy what you're selling ASAP. The person selling the thing you want to buy is dying to sell it to you. Everyone is in agreement, and everything is in place to proceed. Yet nothing happens, week after week. What element is conspiring to prevent the transaction going through? Why, it's the facilitators, of course! Makes perfect sense, no? Well, this scenario is re-enacted thousands of times a year, and we are powerless to do anything about it. It's called MOVING HOUSE. And the delaying element is called a SOLICITOR. Words mean different things in this twilight world of pin-stripe suits, buff folders, and paper-based administration. For example: "Soon" means "sometime in the next 4 - 6 weeks, but we won't tell you when until you've run out of time to arrange anything". Mind you, I should be moving in "soon", and the date for closing is definitely going to be "soon" as well, maybe even "sooner". "Calling someone" actually means "calling the secretary, who tells you he/she is unavailable/with a client/out of the office. Please leave a number and he/she will get back to you soon". Yes, "soon" again! The interesting thing is that this "calling someone" issue also applies to solicitors, so getting 3 of them to agree on anything becomes a long, convoluted dance of secretaries taking messages, replies not getting through, and general farce on a P.G. Wodehouse scale. The conclusion of this farce is that they actually make contact, and then BEGIN to discuss possible dates, which are probably going to be "soon". Ah...

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